Ask Sister Faithful – Do I Risk My Marriage To Attend My Daughter’s Wedding?

Dear Sister Faithful:

My 27-year-old daughter is getting married this June to a non-Christian. My husband says we should NOT attend the wedding because of principle. I feel this will jeopardize any chance we would ever have out reaching this young man. My husband says just the opposite. It has escalated to the point where my husband says if I attend the wedding without him, I am turning my back on our marriage and it won’t be salvageable. Can you offer me some sound advice?

Conflicted

Dear Conflicted:

As Christians we have two primary functions upon which all of our actions rest: to glorify God in our words, actions and deeds (Ephesians 1:12, Revelation 4:11) and to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with others (Matthew 28:19-20).  When making difficult decisions, I often ask myself how God will be gloried and how will the gospel be promoted by a particular course of action. 

Your husband obviously feels strongly that the best way to honor his beliefs regarding Christian marriage is to refuse to attend his daughter’s wedding ceremony.  Despite your husband’s intentions, your future son-in-law may view his actions as those of a self-righteous, judgmental person which will give him even more reason not to consider Christianity seriously.  Looking at Christ’s example, we find that He often found Himself in the presence of non-believers because He knew that in order to reach them, to be real to them, and to have them know Him that He had to go where they were.  Christ was able to be among sinners and not sin. He could stand among the non-believer and still believe.  This is what Christians should aspire to because the world needs to see the God in us in order to believe. 

That said, if your husband is open to discussion, try to better understand why he is refusing to go to the wedding.  While it may be true that he wants to stand on a principle, there may be other reasons for his strong feelings about the wedding that have not been articulated.    

Pray that God will open the channel of communication between you and your husband where you can discuss this openly without arguing and dissention.  When you talk about this issue try not to be defensive or challenging, but share with him why you feel that you are able to accomplish more by attending the wedding than not.  Remind him that your relationship with your daughter is also at stake.  Refusing to attend the wedding could be viewed as an act of punishing your daughter for her choice of fiancé.  Remember that after she gets married she will constantly be in the company of a man who does not share her beliefs and may work to erode her faith in Christ.  She will need a strong, loving, and consistent Christian presence in her life to help her remain a Christian and possibly help her husband gain salvation (1 Peter 3:1-2).  You will need to pray for her consistently and be willing to be a non-judgmental ear when she needs someone to talk to.

Your husband may not change his mind about attending the wedding, and you will need to decide whether this issue is significant enough for you to jeopardize your marriage.  Your adult daughter is willingly entering into a marriage with an unsaved man, and whether or not you attend, she is likely to go through with the wedding.  If you lose your marriage over this, where will that leave you?  In the end your daughter will still be married to a non-Christian.

Since I have no idea how you and your husband have resolved conflicts during the course of your marriage, I am not certain if your husband’s response to this situation is considered normal for him.  If it is, I would recommend that you consider speaking with a qualified Christian marriage and family counselor who can better help you both address your differences in ways that do not involve ultimatums or threaten the partnership that biblical marriages are based upon.  Ultimately, God remains in control and if it is His will, your future son-in-law will have an encounter with Christ whether or not you attend your daughter’s wedding.

Meditative Scriptures: Romans 10:14-15; 1 Peter 3:1-2; Genesis 2:18; Proverbs 15:1