On two occasions we did have a firearm in the home, and each was after our home was broken into, but neither of those times was she born. The first time I was a single mother, living on my own, and the victim of a stalking neighbor who made it a point to make my coming and going his business.

The second time was after I was married and engulfed in a bitter dispute with an ex roommate who decided that coming back with a couple of friends to  kick my door in was better than paying her debt. 

Last week there was a thunderstorm with heavy rains. My daughter called to let me know that she was on the way home. I urged her to stay put at her friend’s house because it was late and the roads were flooded. She assured me that she would.

I awakened sometime later, drenched in my own sweat. When I opened my eyes I noticed that it was excessively dark. I looked out the window and the pitch darkness alerted me to a power outage.

As I resigned myself to the thought of having to stay stretched out on the sweat soaked sheets, a sudden noise came from my daughter’s room. My heart skipped several beats. The first thing that came to mind was that someone had decided to take advantage of the darkness and break in.

I got out of bed and as I got to the doorway of my bedroom I saw what appeared to be the beam from a flashlight moving across the floor. I looked up, and saw a figure in her room with some type of light source in their hand.

I screamed like I have never screamed before. Fear, anger, and other emotions enveloped me. Between the screams I could heard “Mommy! Mommy, it’s me!”

It took nearly thirty minutes for the trembling to stop. I sat on the end of my bed in total confusion as to what had just taken place. She came into the room and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry. I never meant to scare you like that. Are you okay?”

I turned to her and said, “Now do you see why we don’t need a gun? I was thinking that you were at your friend’s house and in my mind you were a burglar. Had a gun been in my possession I would have shot, and possibly killed you. Now do you see why we don’t need a gun?”

She said nothing and slowly walked back to her room. I sat on the end of the bed thanking God that we did not have a gun, because I would have never been able to live it down had I brought any harm to my daughter that night.

I dropped by to see her because her eight year battle with cancer was coming to a close and I wanted to say “Bye,” in my own way. I got up from my chair and picked up the spoon. I poked it into the plastic cup to break down the clumps of ice. Water was forming at the bottom of the cup.

I scooped about six pieces of ice onto the spoon and slowly led it towards her trembling lips. I was very cautious of how I would place the fragments onto her tongue.

I stopped when I got the spoon halfway into her mouth, and lifted it to allow them to slide off and land. She mumbled something, but I didn’t hear her clearly.

“Did you say that was too much?” I asked. She shook her head and said, “No, I said one more and that’ll be enough.” I went through the same procedure and carefully placed the spoon and cup onto the towel that was placed there for them. 

I sat and began to watch TV. She blinked and offered up an explanation as to why she might not be as verbal. “The nurse just gave me a dose of morphine, and if I doze off that’ll be why,” she said.

Tears were burning the brims of my eyes, but I wasn’t going to allow them to make an appearance just yet. I smiled at her and said, “You go right ahead and go to sleep. I plan to be right here until I know that you are resting well.” After watching her chest rise and fall in an odd kind of way I wiped the tears from my face and walked out of the room.  

In less than a week my “sister” did leave us, but I’ll cherish that last moment with her. I’ll fondly look forward to the day when we are at peace with our Father.

One Day My Prince Will Come

An Excerpt from “Hollywood to Ever After”

By my thirties, it seemed that I had it all—money, success, and prestige. But my dearest dream had eluded me. I was still single and I still wanted to find Mr. Right. Though I decided that God probably wanted me single forever and I was learning to accept that.

It was January of my thirty second year and I was attending the Golden Globe Awards at the Beverly Hilton Hotel. A cute businessman from Oklahoma just happened to be staying at the hotel where the awards were held. He met my girlfriend and asked to see her program. She handed it to him and snapped “You better not take off with it.” He just laughed. Cathy was so charmed that she took him under her wing. She got him into the show, into the parties and happened to introduce him to me. Now it wasn’t exactly love at first sight. Not only was he GU (geographically undesirable), but Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Kevin Costner were in the other room. Would you care?

BUT NOTHING can stop God’s plan! TEN months later, he came back to town. He called my girlfriend and said “Let’s do lunch”. We ended up making it a Saturday morning hike and it was clearly Love at second sight! It didn’t take long for me to see that he loved God every bit as much as I did. Finally my prince had come! We were married two years to the day of our Golden Globe meeting.

I’d spent 32 years searching everywhere for my husband and God had Will picked out all along. And he was the first man I ever dated that was worth every tear I had shed in search of Mr. Right. God’s timing is so exact and amazing. You see, my husband is several years younger then I. We often joke that if we met any earlier it would have been illegal. God came through for me big time! At the thirty four I married the most incredible husband I could have every dreamed for. We’ve now been married twelve years and have two precious children. Sure life still has its challenges. As long as you are breathing you will have problems. But I’ve learned that God always knows the future, God has a plan and God is faithful.

I’ve been devastated in relationships; I’ve been disappointed, discouraged, even burned. But through it all I have experienced ongoing peace and happiness. And that was only because God was and is always there for me. I know what the Secret of life is and that is knowing Jesus personally. It didn’t take long to discover how much discontentment and unhappiness there is among the rich and famous. After 16 years in the entertainment world, I’ve seen first hand that money and fame do not satisfy. I’ve known many millionaires and movie stars who seemed to have everything on the outside, but were miserable and empty on the inside. As I’ve mentioned earlier the Bible says:

Be anxious for nothing, but in all things through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ.

That is how I have lived my life. A hectic career is NOT easy. Whether you work or you’re a stay at home mom, raising a family is filled with stress and anxiety, BAD things do happen to good people. But I’ve learned many valuable lessons in my life. I learned Jesus loves me even when I’m ugly and no one seems to care. I learned that Jesus loves me when I fail Him and let Him down. Most important of all, I learned that Jesus is faithful. God’s promises are true. Jesus said,

“…Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

Hebrews 13:5

My Career, in fact my entire life, has been about perseverance, and God’s faithfulness to me.

“For I know the plans I have for you,”

declares the LORD,

“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Victorya Michaels Rogers

For more than a decade Love & Life Coach Victorya Michaels Rogers was a prominent Hollywood agent bringing in millions of dollars for her clients in the TV and film business. It looked as though she had everything she could dream of right there in the heart of Beverly Hills. But what Victorya did not have was one special man with whom to share her life–a dream she held dear since she was a little girl. Here is her story of dreams, perseverance and God’s precious timing. We don’t know the future, but God does and he is always faithful. God had a plan for Victorya and he has a plan for you!

To read more about her story visit Lifestory.org

By Ladonna Bylock

We have got to do something about our youth. If we wait on others, the job won’t GET DONE! We are bombarded at every turn with sexually explicit messages, American teenagers need comprehensive sex education. Like they put it…IT’S TIME TO KEEP IT REAL !

The future of our race depends on what we do NOW about this situation. Forget about the annihilation of any other race, It’s ours that is in serious jepardy! One-fifth of teenagers and a third of young adults in their early 20’s admit and told Pollsters that they have sent sexually suggestive text messages- called sexting- or posted nude or seminude photos of themselves on the internet. While all along, Black girls ages 14 to 19 : nearly 50 percent of them have an STD at some time.

The last eight years, this country has done a disservice to young people by spending $1 billion pushing an abstinence-only message that disregards the importance of other viable methods to prevent pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.
The approach the Bush administration had and believed in was encouraging teens to wait until marriage to engage in sex. The cabinet thought (that particular method) would reduce teen pregnancy and STD’s rates, but it has been of no effect.

America has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the developed world. What is also alarming is that at least one in four teenage girls already have at least one of four commonly sexually transmitted diseases! One in four? Yes! You heard me –  1 in 4 — right this minute. On top of it all, some don’t even know that they have the diagnosis. It’s apparent that more information should be distributed.

Lawmakers are considering a bill authorizing federal funding for comprehensive sex-education programs. An act under the Responsible Education About Life ( REAL ) Act where youngsters would get age-appropriate sex education.  This law is only under consideration. While they are considering, don’t you think we need to get off our duffs and do something ourselves? First, we need to be even more responsible for our own children as parents! We have got to get back into CONTROL! A child left alone will cause you shame one day. You must train them well and then monitor that training. Also with monitoring and training, check what they are doing on their cell phones/ internet.

This is just a start, we’ve a long way to go! Above all, talk with them, they need us more than ever before.

Ladonna Baylock is a social activist and founder of  Thegoddessesblessinggoddesses.com. She currently resides in Cleveland, Ohio.

For the past week I’ve participated in a lively exchange on the issue of female submission in romantic relationships. The source of the conflict was a V-log posting by Shanel Cooper (no relation … that I know of anyway) entitled Your Power is in Submission…

Judging by the comments posted, I am apparently in the minority in my thinking. Many of the male posters cosigned in droves. They were quite excited to find a woman willing to submit to men, and who was openly encouraging other women to do the same.

I couldn’t get on board with the nonsense.

First of all, the references to submission in “a relationship” were inaccurate. Though I am not religious, even I know that the Bible specifically references “wife” and “husband” when it instructs on submission. This fact automatically rules out all those wanna be the boss baby daddy knucklehead types who think that all females should categorically submit to all males. For those women that ascribe to the doctrine of submission by females, be sure that you limit your submission to the one man that steps up and makes you his wife.

However, submission is not something I advocate for women at all. I heard from several men and women online and offline that perhaps I was looking at the whole thing wrong, that submission wasn’t always negative, and that it means that a couple is cooperating. In reality the words “cooperation” and “submission” have two entirely different meanings:

Submission: (1) the act of submitting, yielding, or surrendering; (2) the quality or condition of being submissive; resignation; obedience; meekness; (3) the act of submitting to the authority or control of another: “Oppression that cannot be overcome does not give rise to revolt but to submission” (Simone Weil); (4) the condition of having submitted to the power of someone else; (5) the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant.

Cooperation: (1) an act or instance of working or acting together for a common purpose or benefit; joint action; (2) to work or act together; (3) to assist or be willing to assist. However, cooperation may be coerced (forced), voluntary (freely chosen), or even unintentional, and consequently individuals and groups might cooperate even though they have few goals or values in common. Examples are wars, families, jobs, schools and prisons… any institution or organization of which individuals are a part due to free will and their own choice, by law, or by force.

In other words, a man might gain a woman’s cooperation and/or submission by physically assaulting her, threatening to assault her, by threatening to take her children from her, or even to leave her. This type of manipulation happens frequently when the male’s primary goal is to gain the upper hand, to feel powerful, and to have others submit to his desires and will… to WIN.

As I’ve said before in The Male Struggle to Control Female Sexuality, the religious tenets of male superiority are a tool men use to control women, make them predictable and malleable so that men can feel more secure about what a woman does with her vagina. That is the whole purpose of all these rules and the desire for a “submissive” woman you know… to provide the male with sexual services when he wants them, and assurances that the vagina he calls his really is under his power and control. He wants to know where his vagina is at all times, who has access to it, and that no one is getting in it but him.

The brainwashing of females by men in their lives such as fathers and pastors, deacons and ministers is complete when women make statements such as those expressed in the video. It is not in a woman’s “nature” to be anything but great and powerful self-actualizing citizens of the world! Yet various cultures and religions have limited female options and choices based strictly on gender. Women of today, their mothers, and their mother’s mothers have all been socialized by men to believe that males are superior and that females should subjugate themselves to them.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Women are powerful, smart, strong creatures, emotionally resilient, caring, and in touch with themselves and others emotionally. Women are by far the stronger of the sexes in every way but physically; and if a woman weight trains, even that is a 50/50 proposition.

Black men especially seem to have a difficult time with the concept of equality in a relationship and are the biggest fans of submissive females. I believe this is due to the widespread belief in and adherence to Christianity in the Black community. The desire for a submissive woman may also be due to the fact that many Black men feel powerless in society, so they seek to feel in control and powerful at home. It makes sense, but sorry! Not gonna happen.

No woman (but especially Black women), have a need to be submissive to men on any level, at any time. And ladies, if you meet a Brotha that believes the only way the two of you can have a happy relationship is for you to submit and turn over your power to him, you need to seriously consider passing on him. What is it that you would be exchanging your self-worth for? Where would his quest for power and control over you end? I’ve known men to refuse to allow their women to wear certain clothes, hang with her friends, or even to wear makeup. They refuse to allow her to work outside the home, have her own money, or go back to school. He places himself in the role of decider of all things concerning his woman and the household; he decides what is best for her and what he wants to happen with HIS woman.

I actually feel that this is one of the top reasons so many Black women are single. Black women are educated and accomplished, at a ratio of at least 3 to 1 over Black men. A solid sistah has no need to play that silly submission game. Though Black women do want a husband and family, no one wants to be treated like a second class citizen at home! We get enough of that crap from Whites and other races in the workplace and out in the world. There is nothing attractive about being a strong, educated, loving woman of strength and character that has to hide behind a mask of bland church-going goodness to secure a mate. There is no value in dumbing yourself down to assuage a man’s fragile ego.

Giving in to submissiveness would mean that he feels powerful and in control while you allow him to chip away at your self-worth. To make him shine you hide the important parts of yourself (the parts you love and that make you YOU), just so he can feel good about himself and his shaky sense of manhood.

Eventually, the broken piece of woman that is left depressed with her spirit shattered will make a last-ditch effort to save herself by seeking refuge in a bottle of antidepressants, a fifth of Vodka, a dozen donuts, or the arms of another man.

This sad outcome can be easily prevented by thinking now about what you need before you sign onto any type of relationship. Do not base your choice of man on the expectations of the religion you’ve followed since childhood, or what your parents think is good, or what your friends think is right. YOU decide for yourself. Don’t choose a man out of obligation or desperation to marry either.  Give serious thought to what man is going to make you happy long-term then go out and find THAT man. Never settle for less and do not change yourself to meet his fantasy of a perfect woman. Always do you.

One of the male posters (N.C.) had a solid understanding of the issue and posted: “While a woman submissive (or possibly more accurately nurturing) to her husband and household can be a beautiful and wonderful thing under the right conditions, sadly, there are plenty of no good men willing to take advantage of this. Any relationship should be give and take, and a man should be willing to accommodate the wants and needs of the woman in his life as well as his own. Open communication and sometimes a little compromise go a long way toward maintaining a healthy and loving relationship. It simply cannot be a one way street.”

What I’ve noticed is that the men who demand a female subjugate herself to him unconditionally tend to be those that lack confidence, are unsure of their sexual prowess or physical attractiveness, or that feel they are lacking in some way and cannot compete in the dating arena. Their confidence is shored up by an adoring woman that hangs on their every word as if it were The Gospel.

Even when he admits to himself that he doesn’t know crap about what he is doing and would like to have help on a decision, he cannot ask his woman for assistance. He feels if he gets her input and she is actually right and he ends up doing what she says, it would break down the rigid role barriers he’s worked so hard to establish. So he and his entire family suffer for his lack of courage and dearth of knowledge as he hangs onto his role as uncontested “natural leader.”

However, as noted by the male poster N.C. above, a confident self-assured man does not want a woman to submit nor subjugate herself to him. The confident man embraces his woman as an equal partner. He is openly proud of her and acknowledges her skills and strengths as she acknowledges his. These two form a powerful, mutually enriching, mutually supportive team where the lead is taken by one then the other as their skills, education and experience dictate. Neither is relegated to a box based strictly on gender.

At some point men must make an effort to understand that having a penis gives them no special powers, no increased abilities, no more knowledge or experience, nothing more than women have. You are not more than a woman. You are not superior in any way. You are the opposite of women, but you are not better, you are not smarter, you are not faster at anything either. You are just a male. And that does not entitle you to any special privileges or rights or treatment just because you are.

In closing ladies, your power is not in submission; your power is in your resilient spirit, in your joyful heart, in your intelligence, and in your soul as a woman.

Your power is in your sense of accomplishment and the benefit you bring to your family, your community and the world. Women can heal broken hearts with a touch and a wounded soul with a soft word because women can FEEL the pain and confusion of others. Women also have an understanding of and connection with the Universe and everything in it — something men don’t understand and are truly afraid of.

Typically, when people don’t understand something they are afraid of it. Fearful people desire to eradicate that which they are most fearful of.  Be alert for attempts to destroy your self-confidence and independent mind. Do not ever let a man convince you to submit to him because he demands it, or because he assumes it is his rightful position in your life. Surrendering your power and self to the control of men unconditionally will damage and possibly destroy the essence of your spirit, the very thing that makes you the strong, confident and wonderful woman that you are.

Until next time ~ Deborrah Cooper

For more information on this article posting visit SurvivingDating.com

By Brandon Armor

With all the well publicized horror stories concerning the darker side of ‘navigating the net,’ it still has not been enough to deter those who truly consider it a viable option to meet and fall in love.

What has changed a suitor’s desire to meet the person whom they are attracted to face-to-face, and instantaneously? Now, it is only a matter of signing up and perusing the profiles of registered members.

While the Internet may provide anonymity for some, it is most reasonable to believe that it also affords the meek and mild the opportunity to polish up on their relationship skills. Without the immediate focus being on what they look like, intended suitors are free to relax behind the shield of their monitors and keyboards.

Another tempting nugget to communicating via the Internet is that no time or money is spent on actual dates, and correspondence is at the leisure of participants. Does this make for a better mating pool or does it basically respond to the need of those who are not yet comfortable with approaching those who catch their eye?

Whatever happened to meeting people in line at the grocery store, at the local YMCA, at church or any of the more traditional venues that we know of?

Not only because he was opting to become the first African-American president, but also because he would be the first bi-racial (African-American/White) president, and could inevitably hold a strong connection to both worlds.

Sure it can be argued that the “one drop rule,” still applies, and that most people consider him African-American, but the fact of the matter is that he couldn’t deny his white lineage anymore than he could his African-American roots.

This is further supported by the fact that it was his mother and her parents who raised him, with practically little interaction and efforts by his father, after their divorce.

President Obama was fortunate, as he seems to have adjusted well to his life and the hand that was dealt his mother. However, the purpose of this article is to ponder whether interracial persons can breathe a collective sigh of relief now, and take pride in knowing that they don’t have to “choose” which ethnic group to represent?

It is duly noted that there have been other high profile bi-racial celebrities – Tiger Woods, Mariah Carey, Halle Berry, Jordin Sparks, Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson, Rae Dawn Chong, Jennifer Beals, etc., but there is no higher profile than that of the presidency.

I recall reading countless posts by bloggers who professed being overcome with a flood of emotions once President Obama was declared POTUS.

The flip side to some bi-racial individuals’ attempts to equally represent their heritage is that some of their well publicized strife has been enough to prevent others who have found themselves attracted to someone of a different ethnic background from pursuing it.

It was once believed or at least assumed that love is enough to conquer all. I can’t help but wonder.

They go on and on about how this person has given them the strength to overcome staggering adversity, and shower countless other accolades upon them.

Some even go as far as making grand gestures as to the sincerity of this profound love – buying expensive gifts, taking a relaxing vacation, etc.

Let the record clearly and presently show that I am a sucker for
“sob stories,” and believe everyone deserves the chance to correct a mistake.

However, I do find myself wondering what the true definition of
“mistake” is, as I have seen where actions that transpire on a continuous basis are considered mistakes.

If one mistakenly does something it lends credence to the belief that he/she will not do it again. If it is something that they delight in and continue to indulge in, why is it not considered a “habit”?

The term “mistake” has given some people a way out of taking full responsibility for bad choices that they have made.

Love is a very complex and overpowering emotion, and I am inclined to believe that it can be enough to keep one from exhibiting behavior contrary to its embrace.

If one is going to give love credit for positively impacting their life, why is this love nowhere to be found when respondent is about to break its bond and unleash a wealth of agony and pain on the one they proclaim to love?

It stands to reason that if one gives love enough power to say that it has sustained them, they would be as open to suggestions that it also should have been enough to prevent them from embarking on the “mistake” that caused someone else to suffer.

You can mistakenly dial the wrong person on the phone.

You can mistakenly drop an unstamped letter in the mailbox.

You can mistakenly wash a pair of red socks with the whites.

For some of those other “mistakes” that people keep trying to get a pass on?

Love shoulda…