With heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity plaguing our churches and communities, Dr. Dallas has developed a delicious snack food line that, when used as a part of a healthy lifestyle, can help with maintaining a healthy body weight.  Offer Dallas Popcorn instead of potato chips at your next event and folks won’t even miss the chips.  Your heart and your hips will thank you (and so will your guests)!

Currently on the shelves at Whole Foods markets and health food stores in the Washington, DC area, Dallas Popcorn is also available online at: www.lifebydallas.com.  Visit today learn more about Dr. Dallas and products developed to help you get and stay healthy for life.

Dear Sister Faithful:

About two years ago I cheated on my husband.  He never found out, but the guilt is killing me.  I keep thinking that something is going to happen and he’ll find out about the affair. I want to tell him before he finds out in some other way, but I am too afraid of his reaction to say anything.  I’ve prayed about it, but I still can’t find any peace and I’m too ashamed to go to my pastor about it.  My best friend says that I should leave it alone and that telling my husband now would probably end the marriage. What should I do?

Cheating Wife

Dear Cheating:

The guilt you are feeling demands that this issue be addressed, and that cannot happen if you continue to pretend that something major has not happened.  Because of the nature of this issue and its possible repercussions, I strongly recommend that you talk with a qualified Christian counselor.  They can help you learn how to release your guilt, identify a plan of action, determine how to safely disclose this information to your spouse, and identify how to heal the damage that the disclosure may bring.   There are practicing counselors who are not professionally affiliated with a particular church, so you do not need to worry that your church members or pastor are aware of your counseling sessions. 

The determination of when, how, and to whom you disclose the information about your extramarital affair is best made with the guidance of a Christian counselor who is well versed in family and marriage counseling,  To find a qualified Christian counselor in your area, visit the American Association of Christian Counselors website at www.aacc.net.

In the interim, remain prayerful.  God will guide you into a better understanding of forgiveness and healing, both divine and natural.  It is a process involving sincere repentance where you will learn to forgive yourself and that God has already forgiven you.

Meditative Scriptures: Matthew 11:28; John 8:1-12; Romans 8:1

Dear Sister Faithful:

My husband has been out of work for several months after his company downsized.  He has been looking for work for almost a year now and still hasn’t found anything.  I always made less money than he did so trying to survive on just my salary has meant that major changes had to be made to our lifestyle.  We have been blessed to be able to keep our home, but were forced to give up a lot of things just to get by.  As the months keep passing by with him not finding work my husband is becoming frustrated and depressed.  He takes his anger out on me and our two kids.  Our children are young and can’t understand why their father has changed.  Whenever I try to talk to him, he becomes belligerent and starts an argument.  My once peaceful home now feels like a battleground.  What can I do to help my husband and our marriage?

Tired of Fighting

Dear Tired:

Many people experience the loss of a job in a manner similar to that of losing a loved one.  The grieving process experienced in both situations is similar.  The stages of the grieving process include anger, depression, and withdrawal.   This is not abnormal. Unfortunately, his inability to find a job continues to feed his frustration and anger.   Efforts must be made to ensure that your husband’s anger and depression do not get out of control or last too long.   He should eventually reach to a place of acceptance and begin to move forward.  Right now it would be helpful to encourage your husband to talk through his concerns with someone.  Even if he finds it difficult to talk to you, he should have someone to talk to.

This is a stressful time for both of you so for inexpensive ways to remove yourselves from the constant reminders of the problems at home.  Grab a blanket, pack some bottled water and sandwiches , and go walking in a local park.  Ask a family member to keep the kids for a few days just to change the atmosphere in the house for a little while.  Run his bathwater and give him a massage (with the expectation that he will return the favor).  You can have a relaxing getaway right at home.  During these times promise each other to talk about things other than the job and finances.  They are realities that can be addressed when you aren’t on your “date” or “getaway.”

Continue to remain supportive and listen to his concerns while talking to him realistically about how you feel and what is happening in the family.  In terms of his job search, encourage him to keep looking.  Maintain your faith in God’s provision while wisely continuing to aid his job search.  This is a difficult economic time, but opportunities can open up unexpectedly.  Sometimes God allows your blessings to come from unexpected sources.  Remind your husband to look at the diversity of his skill set and consider applying for a job that is different from the one he lost.  Look for jobs that will allow him to transfer his skills into another field in an effort to broaden the pool of jobs that he can apply for.   

While your local employment office remains a resource, remember that your church is a resource as well.  Talk to people. Others in the church may know of available positions.  Many larger churches hire people with a wide range of skills, so consider them as potential employers as well. 

Meditative Scriptures: Psalm 34:15-18; Philippians 4:6-7; 1 Peter 5:6-7

Dear Sister Faithful:

I got married at 18 to a young man that my parents did not approve of.  They did not want me to marry him and told me that if I went ahead with the marriage that I was not welcome in their home.  I moved out and got married.  I haven’t seen or spoken to my parents since then.  My husband and I have been married for almost eight years now and have two small children.  Recently, I started to go to church and get the kids involved in some of the church activities.  My husband comes with us to service sometimes.  Now that I am growing in the Lord, I feel bad about the split with my parents.  I would like my children to meet the grandparents that they don’t know, but I don’t know how to approach my parents after all this time. I would appreciate any suggestions?

Ready to Reconcile

Dear Ready:

Congratulations on your recent spiritual growth.  It’s wonderful that you are trying to get closer to God and encouraging your family to do the same.  Seeking to reconcile the relationship with your parents is a definite reflection of Christ’s spirit of forgiveness.  Though you are in a place of forgiveness, it is important to recognize that your parents might not be in the same place.  Pray that God create an atmosphere of forgiveness and reconciliation in the hearts and minds of your parents and that they might be receptive to your overtures.

Rather than showing up on their doorstep with your children in tow, it would be better to test the waters before bringing your children into a potentially hostile situation.  Send your parents a “thinking of you” type of card with a note indicating that you would like to talk to them and possibly introduce them to your children.  Include your contact information in the note.  If they don’t contact you, follow-up with a telephone call a couple of weeks after sending the card.    

Don’t push your parents.  It would be counterproductive to force a relationship or visit on them and have them not be receptive to your children.  Then again, your parents may have been waiting for an opportunity to reach out to you.  No matter what they decide about re-establishing your relationship, let them know that you love them and want to have a relationship with them.  It may take more time and prayer than anticipated, but you will have done your part to try to bring the relationship back together.

Meditative Scriptures:  Matthew 5:9; Mark 11:25; 2 Corinthians 2:5-11

I have thought long and hard on this incident, and I am certain my stance will not sit well with many, but I am not going to waver on it, as I have worked on both sides of the issue.

 As we know and understand from witness statements and a video that was shot by a bystander, the young women were asked to step over to a police officer’s car after he observed them jay-walking.

The officer was in the course of issuing a ticket to a young man for the same ”offense.” I’m curious to know why these young ladies believed they should not be given like consequence, and why it was an easier decision for them to disobey the request of the officer.

We are faced with situations that sometimes merit the thought that people of color are singled out and mistreated by law enforcement, but when we blatantly disregard instructions and become combative in the process, it doesn’t help the cause.

Please let the record show that I am disappointed that the officer chose to strike her in the face, but when you look at the video and observe the number of times the young ladies were given to comply, and the “threat” that the officer believed she posed at that time, I’m grateful that a hit in the face was all that transpired that day.

Just think of how differently this could have been had the young ladies simply walked over to the officer’s car and waited for him to address them. Our youth are not thinking through on the consequences of their actions, and often times the results are devastating.

This young lady has retained a lawyer, and is seeking damages, but I don’t know that I believe she is entitled to any as her actions or lack thereof were a contributing factor to how this all played out.

 Anyway, that’s my two cents.

Dear Sister Faithful:

I have a 22 year-old daughter who recently had a baby out of wedlock.    I raised her in church but she decided to stop going when she turned 18.  My daughter and her boyfriend have no intentions of getting married even though they have been living together for the past two years.  My daughter wants me to ask my pastor to perform a dedication ceremony for the baby.  I love my daughter and granddaughter, but feel that asking my pastor to do the dedication is like condoning her fornication, especially since she doesn’t even go to church anymore.  She got angry with me when I refused to ask for the dedication and called me a hypocrite because I never married her father.  My situation was very different from hers and though I was unchurched when I got pregnant, I became a Christian not long after I had her.  Did I do the wrong thing by not asking for the dedication service?  Am I being hypocritical?

Confused and Hypocritical

Dear Confused:

You have obviously made positive changes in your spiritual life since becoming a Christian and want to do the right thing in this situation.  Even practicing Christians sometimes find it confusing to know what is right in a given situation.  Unfortunately, wading through right and wrong has not been made any easier by many of expressions of modern Christianity that seem to have strayed far from the biblical precepts concerning relationships and piety. 

While I cannot tell you whether you have behaved in a hypocritical manner because I do not have a full understanding of your motives, I can say that it is not wrong to desire to do the right thing when it pertains to spiritual matters.  Desiring to do the right thing requires that you discern the real issues that are causing you to question your actions.  Ask yourself what honors God the most: not having the service and leaving the child undedicated to prove that you don’t support the mother’s lifestyle or giving this brand new human being an opportunity to have God’s covering over her life? 

Regardless of the circumstances of your daughter’s relationship with her boyfriend, it is important that the baby be recognized as being set aside for divine purposes.  Formally having the blessing of the Lord upon the child’s life outweighs the other concerns.  Seeking the blessing of God, or having a dedication service, does not have to involve a full church service.  If you remain uncomfortable with giving the appearance of supporting her mother’s lifestyle, you can ask the pastor if he would do a private service with just the family and close friends.

Continue to pray for your daughter’s spiritual restoration, and take as many opportunities as you can to teach your granddaughter about the love of Christ.  If her mother continues to shun Christian fellowship, then you may be the child’s primary source of spiritual grounding.  This is an important task and may be the reason why God has chosen you to be this precious little one’s grandmother.

Meditative Scriptures: Psalm 127:1-3; Matthew 19:13-15; Ephesians 6:6

On two occasions we did have a firearm in the home, and each was after our home was broken into, but neither of those times was she born. The first time I was a single mother, living on my own, and the victim of a stalking neighbor who made it a point to make my coming and going his business.

The second time was after I was married and engulfed in a bitter dispute with an ex roommate who decided that coming back with a couple of friends to  kick my door in was better than paying her debt. 

Last week there was a thunderstorm with heavy rains. My daughter called to let me know that she was on the way home. I urged her to stay put at her friend’s house because it was late and the roads were flooded. She assured me that she would.

I awakened sometime later, drenched in my own sweat. When I opened my eyes I noticed that it was excessively dark. I looked out the window and the pitch darkness alerted me to a power outage.

As I resigned myself to the thought of having to stay stretched out on the sweat soaked sheets, a sudden noise came from my daughter’s room. My heart skipped several beats. The first thing that came to mind was that someone had decided to take advantage of the darkness and break in.

I got out of bed and as I got to the doorway of my bedroom I saw what appeared to be the beam from a flashlight moving across the floor. I looked up, and saw a figure in her room with some type of light source in their hand.

I screamed like I have never screamed before. Fear, anger, and other emotions enveloped me. Between the screams I could heard “Mommy! Mommy, it’s me!”

It took nearly thirty minutes for the trembling to stop. I sat on the end of my bed in total confusion as to what had just taken place. She came into the room and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry. I never meant to scare you like that. Are you okay?”

I turned to her and said, “Now do you see why we don’t need a gun? I was thinking that you were at your friend’s house and in my mind you were a burglar. Had a gun been in my possession I would have shot, and possibly killed you. Now do you see why we don’t need a gun?”

She said nothing and slowly walked back to her room. I sat on the end of the bed thanking God that we did not have a gun, because I would have never been able to live it down had I brought any harm to my daughter that night.

I dropped by to see her because her eight year battle with cancer was coming to a close and I wanted to say “Bye,” in my own way. I got up from my chair and picked up the spoon. I poked it into the plastic cup to break down the clumps of ice. Water was forming at the bottom of the cup.

I scooped about six pieces of ice onto the spoon and slowly led it towards her trembling lips. I was very cautious of how I would place the fragments onto her tongue.

I stopped when I got the spoon halfway into her mouth, and lifted it to allow them to slide off and land. She mumbled something, but I didn’t hear her clearly.

“Did you say that was too much?” I asked. She shook her head and said, “No, I said one more and that’ll be enough.” I went through the same procedure and carefully placed the spoon and cup onto the towel that was placed there for them. 

I sat and began to watch TV. She blinked and offered up an explanation as to why she might not be as verbal. “The nurse just gave me a dose of morphine, and if I doze off that’ll be why,” she said.

Tears were burning the brims of my eyes, but I wasn’t going to allow them to make an appearance just yet. I smiled at her and said, “You go right ahead and go to sleep. I plan to be right here until I know that you are resting well.” After watching her chest rise and fall in an odd kind of way I wiped the tears from my face and walked out of the room.  

In less than a week my “sister” did leave us, but I’ll cherish that last moment with her. I’ll fondly look forward to the day when we are at peace with our Father.

Dear Sister Faithful:

Lately I’ve been having trouble with my best friend.  We’ve known each other since we were kids and have always been there for each other.  I got engaged a few months ago and she agreed to be my maid of honor.  I thought that everything was O.K. until she suddenly disappeared from my life.  She doesn’t call me anymore or return my phone calls.  She has not answered any of my emails or texts.  She has stopped going to the places where we used to hang out together and has told a few of our other friends that she is just taking a break from me.  I know that she does not like my fiancé, but I can’t believe that she would end a twenty year friendship because I am marrying someone she doesn’t like.  What bothers me the most is that she won’t even talk to me about it.  What should I do?

Bride with Missing Maid of Honor

Dear Bride:

One thing is for certain, you can’t make her do something she obviously has no intention of doing.  Whether that is talk to you, explain her actions, or participate in your wedding.  There could be a number of reasons for her behavior and some of them may have very little to do with you or your fiancé.  However, we cannot speculate about her motives.  Given that you are planning a wedding that includes her, you will need to confirm whether or not she actually plans to participate sooner rather than later.

I would send her a message to let her know that you love her and don’t understand why she has been avoiding you, but that you would love to talk with her.  Tell her that you would love to have her be a part of your wedding, but will understand if she would rather not participate.  Let her know that you are making wedding plans and that if you don’t hear back from her by a certain date , then you will assume that she is no longer interested in serving as your maid of honor.  Send her this message in all the ways that you can: a note via snail mail, voice messages at all of her numbers, emails at each email account, texts, etc.  This way you know that you have covered all bases in an effort to contact her.  The lack of communication will not rest with you.

Though you are likely hurt and confused by her behavior, remember to show love and be forgiving (Proverbs 10:12).  Do not talk negatively about her to others. If you get a chance to talk to her, don’t jump to conclusions.  Take the time to hear her out (Ephesians 4:31-32).  Give her a chance to talk about what has been going on in her world before you say anything.  Be the friend to her that you would want someone to be to you. I have learned through personal experience that people are most likely to hurt others when they themselves are hurting.

Meditative Scriptures:  Ephesians 4:3-32; Hebrews 12:15; 1 Peter 4:8